The world's perspective:
+ a relationship moves towards sex: makes it special/different/exciting.
+ relationships often just stop there.
+ sometimes moves beyond --> love, commitment, life-long relationship, even marriage. But it doesn't have to! Even marriage can be backed out of.
+ relationships are FOR sex in our culture.
+ dating: a word used for the early stage of this relationship.
Definition of dating: A relationship for romantic intimacy without serious long-term commitment.
+ it can start quite young, the goal is always sex, even though you might not reach it.
+ elements: intimacy (physical, emotional), arousal, romance, no long-term thought/commitment.
+ no long term means that there is only a short term goal: sex.
What about dating for Christians?
We hope and trust in Jesus as our King and Saviour, live life as we were meant to live. (Col 3:17)
+ there is no ONE clear Christian attitude - Why not? Dating is not in the Bible. Arranged marriages were more common. Therefore, it is not a Bible issue, but an issue of Christian ethics.
What does the world think of the Christian view of dating? It's boring, you're missing out, don't really get to know the other person, etc.
Three main areas of guy/girl relationships in the Bible:
1. MARRIAGE
+ God created, everything was good. He created man, and He said that it's not good for man to be alone. (Gen 2:18)
+ to become one - base and point of marriage. (Gen 2:18-25)
+ What is marriage for? GOD - His praise and glory.
- purpose of the world: everything focussed on God. Especially on Sabbath: holy - set apart and foccused on God.
- Gen 1:28 - man has the special role to fill the earth. He can't do it by himself, and needs a helper. Fill and subdue means to allow everything to praise and glorify.
- sex fits in here (Gen 2:24). The purpose of sex is for marriage, although it does other things too. To serve, help, support things that are important to marriage.
2. FAMILY
+ Gen 4:22, 5:4 - family is second biggest category of guy/girl relationships because it is seen all through the Old Testament.
+ 1 Tim 5:1-2, Gal 6:10, Rom 16:1 - In the New Testament (after Jesus), Christians are family (Matt 12:49-50)
+ purpose of blood family - to fill the earth and subdue it, to praise and glorify God.
+ purpose of spiritual family - the unity/bond is stronger than with your blood family.
+ Gal 3:26-28, 4:21 - because the family is connected with God's promises. Christian bond: one/united, forever.
3. FRIENDSHIP
+ John 11:1-5 - Jesus has love for Lazarus, Mary, Martha - not yet Christian because He hasn't died yet, so not spiritual family. Love for purpose of seeing them saved.
+ separate from marriage and family - this is where non-Christians come in.
+ purpose: for God's praise and glory, so they can come to be saved.
+ clear guidelines and principles for relating between guys/girls.
+ purpose of everything: to praise and glorify God, comes back to Col 3:17.
Christians and dating
Clear guiding principles:
1. If good, then can only fit in one of the three areas: family.
+ only with another Christian. Deut 7:1-4
+ clear boundaries needed if we are to be holy - certain people must be set apart. God needs a people completely focussed on Him, there should not be anything that turns you away. Absolute importance of holiness and being focussed on God.
+ 2 Cor 6:14-15 Why look at/towards something that is purposeful if you have different hopes/dreams/goals?
+ 1 Cor 7:39 He must belong to the Lord - advice for women who got to choose a husband.
+ MUST be a family thing - absolute purity. Should involve anything you'd do with a brother/sisters and NOTHING else, because this bond is stronger than anything on earth. This means no emotional/spiritual intimacy - it is not wise to do this a lot or constantly. There should be no exclusivity, no romantic intimacy.
2. Must also be looking towards marriage
+ It is awkward for a brother/sister to move to marriage. Often we soften the brother/sister relationship but there are better ways.
1.
2. Allow romantic interest to develop, but not intimacy - finding out about a person in different circumstances/situations to see if you can praise and glorify God together in marriage.
Therefore, Christians CAN date, but not as the world and our culture defines it, because we have God's proper design.
Adjusted definition of dating: A relationship for romantic interest with a view to serious long-term commitment.
+ 1 Peter 1:13-19: so be holy in all you do.
+ 1 Peter 2:11-12: we are to go against culture.
Dating a non-Christian is bad because it means we're not completely focussed on God -- PULL OUT! (And explain to them why it is that you're pulling out of the relationship.)
8 comments:
Thanks Von for the summary! You're awesome =)
Just a couple of things: I think it was also the purpose of the spiritual family to fill the earth and subdue it... as through Jesus, we are able to live as we were created to. Through Jesus, what we couldn't do (praise and glorify God by filling the earth and subduing it), is now possible.
Also, a comment about "no exclusivity"... Steve elaborated on this when Von asked what this meant. It DOES NOT mean that Christians have multiple romantic interests at a time! (well, Steve didn't specifically say this part, but it needs to be said I think)... if marriage is one man, one woman, one God, one lifetime, and Christians in 'dating' are looking towards marriage, you can't "play the field".
Steve explained "no exclusivity" to mean that you're not acting/living like a married couple already, and that you're not focussed on this couple relationship to the exclusion of all the other relationships in your life (with other brothers and sisters, friends, etc).
Feel free to ask any questions, whether here or in an email or in person... I'll try and answer as best I can, when I can (if it's extra complicated)... next couple of weeks are pretty crazy =P
Thank you, DOT, for the notes! She typed them out in a hurry while I was off doing fun stuff.
Ditto to what Son said for me - I'm never too busy for you guys. :D
I just came home from a very awesome camp about God's perspecive on love, sex and marriage. Left with the most wonderful vision of what marriage actually is, for the task of stewardship, filling the earth and OUTWARDLY serving, NOT for fulfilling relational need. Instead, our human relational needs should be fulfilled by the CHURCH, not solely through marriage, regardless of whether or not we're married or single. Doesn't that make it beautiful? And it means less pressure to get married, and less pressure on marriage and your spouse.
Just re: the 'no emotional/spiritual intimacy' bit as well, I think you have to be careful with this one and understand why. Remember the 'going out' stage is in-between the 'celibate brothers and sisters phase' and the 'married couple' phase, BUT THERE IS NO COMMITMENT THERE. You haven't made a promise to each other like in marriage. Our emotional and physical intimacy should always match our level of commitment. And given that there is no commitment (in terms of longevity of the relationship) you need to remember what's an appropriate level of emotional and physical intimacy.
This blog post is useful though!
^ Who are you?
I kid. Harlo Renee! When be you coming home?
I come home on Monday, Dot! :D
But for mission until the 14th, really. Then I am free to hang out ^_^
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